Pre-Engagement Counseling: Questions To Ask Before Getting Married

Why Pre-Engagement Counseling Matters

You’ve found the one, and you’re dreaming of a future together. But before you dive into wedding planning and matching monogrammed towels, there’s one crucial step to consider: pre-engagement counseling. Think of it as a relationship checkup—a chance to explore your values, future wants, and challenges so you can walk down the aisle feeling totally aligned.

For couples who want to solidify their relationship before marriage, especially those navigating busy, high-achieving lifestyles, pre-engagement counseling offers an invaluable opportunity to set a strong foundation. After all, marriage isn’t just about love—it’s about partnership, communication, and navigating life’s ups and downs as a team.

Essential Questions to Ask Before Engagement

Pre-engagement counseling isn’t about finding reasons not to get engaged—it’s about ensuring you’re both aligned and clear on your expectations of marriage.. Here are some critical topics to explore:

1. What Does Marriage Mean to Us?
   Every couple has their own definition of marriage. Is it about building a family, sharing financial responsibilities, or simply being each other’s biggest cheerleader? Exploring what marriage represents to you both helps align expectations.
2. How Do We Handle Conflict?
   Even the happiest couples argue—it’s inevitable. The real question is, how do you resolve those disagreements? Counseling can help you identify your conflict-resolution styles and learn healthier ways to communicate.
3. What Are Our Financial Expectations?
   Money is one of the top causes of marital stress. Discussing how you’ll manage finances—joint accounts, savings goals, spending habits—can prevent major disagreements later.
4. What Role Do Family and Friends Play in Our Lives?
   Family dynamics and friendships can greatly influence a relationship. It’s important to discuss boundaries, expectations, and how you’ll navigate situations involving loved ones.
5. What Are Our Long-Term Goals?
   Do you both want kids? If so, how many? What about career goals or where you want to live? Mapping out your future together ensures you’re on the same page.

How Therapy Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Pre-engagement counseling provides a safe space to ask these questions and address any lingering doubts or concerns. It’s not about finding perfection—every relationship has its quirks and challenges. Instead, it’s about understanding each other on a deeper level and growing together.

As a relationships therapist, I often see couples feel more connected in their relationship after counseling. It’s an empowering process that fosters connection, understanding, and confidence as you move forward.

Your Invitation to Build a Strong Foundation

Whether you’re already picking out rings or just starting to talk about your future, pre-engagement counseling can help you enter this next chapter with clarity and intention. I’m Genny Finkel, LCSW, a relationships therapist in NYC and beyond specializing in helping couples navigate life’s complexities—including pre-engagement counseling.

If you’re ready to create a strong foundation for your future together, let’s connect. I’d love to help you approach your engagement with excitement, confidence, and a deep sense of partnership.

Schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see if we’ll be a good fit for pre-engagement counseling.